


Depression is not my friend

by SirGhirahim



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, Regret, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:59:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4133316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirGhirahim/pseuds/SirGhirahim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A two chapter story about bullying, depression and how powerful words can be. A high school AU with the characters from Vikings. Please read authors note about trigger warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: This story contains bullying, suicidal thoughts, torment, self harm/hatred, swearing, glorifying death/suicide, and suicide if you have any problem reading about any of the following then don't read this. Read this story at your own risk, you have been warned.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Please don't sue me I'm poor.

Athelstan hated his school, hated the people in it, hated his life and most of all hated himself. He moved to Kattegat high three years ago. It wasn't so bad at first, things were fine until he met a man named Ragnar Lothbrok. Ragnar was a in one word a mean person.

The word IF is very powerful and at some point of everybody's life they have said what if and Athelstan had wondered for three years what if...what if he hadn't bumped into Ragnar Lothbrok on that fateful day.     

**Flashback**

Athelstan was walking down the hall of the school heading to his next class. His school bag was on his right shoulder and he was holding a drink of water in his left. He turned around a corner and bumped into someone spilling some of his drink on the person.

"Oh I'm so sorry" Athelstan got a look at the and immediately knew who he was and he knew he was in trouble. Ragnar was the type of person who didn't take shit from anybody.

Ragnar looked at the wet patch on his sleeve and then looked at the boy. "What the fuck, are you blind or something?" Ragnar's legendary temper flared.

"I'm-I'm sorry it's just water" Athelstan tried to remain calm

"I'm sorry it's just water" Ragnar did a poor impression of Athelstan's voice and his friends snickered. "Fuck you, you little bitch" Ragnar tipped the rest of the water over Athelstan's head and pushed him to the floor.

Athelstan landed harshly on his back and the sound of laughter rang in his ears. He was on the verge of tears. It was an accident a pure accident but Ragnar did not seem to care.

"Oh think he's going to cry" Another said

Ragnar grabbed Athelstan's bag, tipped his belongings on the floor and threw his bag down the corridor. "Watch where you're going next time" He and his friends left.

Athelstan was in shock, he began to pick up his stuff and ran to his next class.

**End of flashback**

That day had ruined Athelstan's life as they days went on Ragnar and his friends would bully him daily, even if he did nothing, every chance they got they would say or do something and the longer it went on the worse they got and he could do nothing about it. He could not tell because they would find out, he could not hide because they knew the school inside and out, he could not even walk home from school because they would hang out by the gate. And soon Athelstan began to realise that nowhere was safe his school, the streets and not even his own home. One day while walking home he had no idea he was being followed by Floki one of Ragnar's friends who found out where he lived and told everyone. It wasn't long after people began to throw eggs, rocks and snow in winter at his windows it was scary during the but even more terrifying at night. They rang his door bell or knocked on his door and ran even if it was the middle of the night. Then they started sending him hate mail in his post. And after several months Athelstan began to suffer both physically and mentally.

At first he started to believe what they saying 'Stupid, ugly, good for nothing, twat, tramp, gypo' and the names kept coming, every time he looked in the mirror he could only see the names they called him and he often thought he was ugly and stupid, despite being one of the smartest people in school or having about average looks. People say that 'sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you' and at one time he believed that but now he knew that phrase was bullshit to give people a false sense of hope because words can cut deeper than and knife, scar you mentally and follow you around for the rest of your life.

His appetite was next Athelstan stopped eating school so he could find a rare few minutes of peace. He felt sick at the thought of food and threw up after a lot of his meals and as a consequence he began to lose weight.  

Next came the physical pain. He was often hit by Ragnar and his friends. Whether it was being slapped across the back of his head or being kicked in the stomach he would have a new bruise to take home with him and soon began to fear anyone touching him.

Then the mental pain. The abuse he suffered from Ragnar and his friends slowly began to infect his mind and fester in his soul. He felt worthless and depressed. He stopped talking to people, stopped going out as often, stopped volunteering at the animal shelter and he became lonely. Every day he wondered why he still woke up in the morning. One day when Athelstan developed a cough he went to do doctor to get a prescription and the doctor noticed Athelstan's poor health he asked why so Athelstan told him about his life since he moved and the doctor diagnosed him with depression.

 _'Depression'_ Athelstan thought he knew that this would be his life style from now on. The doctor gave him a bottle of blue pills that would make him feel better. _'How many would it take to kill me'_

Weeks went by and the bullies continued. When he got home he liked to curl up in the corner of his bedroom and cry out all his anger and grief.

Then came the self inflicted pain. The pain he felt from cutting himself was only a temporary relief. He would make new marks every day and they would feel great. To him it would feel like a way of saying something without words. He always felt like he had no choice but to hurt himself to feel better, there one no one out there that understood him and no one out there that cared.

And finally came the end that started with a note. Athelstan was scared he didn't want to die but what other choice did he have? He wanted to die peacefully, he didn't want it to be painful. He brought some sleeping pills he found online and made his favourite drink a mug of warm milk.

One by one the pills went down his throat. When he had finished, he didn't regret his actions. He climbed into his bed and covered himself up as he prepared himself for his eternal sleep. He felt light headed and dizzy at first. Then came the numbness he felt like he was floating. Tired...he felt tired his eyes began to close and his breath shortened before he finally stopped altogether and he never woke up.

It was a week later when his body was found. An investigation was held and after reading his note his death was ruled out as suicide. It would be another four days later when Ragnar got a knock on his door, when he opened it he saw a policeman standing there. He invited him in and was told about Athelstan. He was told that Athelstan had killed himself and had left him something in his will. The police pulled out a letter, gave it to Ragnar and left.

When Ragnar opened the letter there was a piece of paper and all that written on it _was 'Yes it's your fault'_ it was like it answered a question that no one asked out loud.

Athelstan's funeral was the day after and Ragnar decided to go. He was the only one to attend. After a few words were said by the priest he was lowered into the ground and buried. Ragnar stared at the grave for hours reading the piece of paper he was given. _'it's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault'_ over and over until his realised it was his fault.

Ragnar remembered all the things he had done to the boy over the past three years and how he could have been so blind to his suffering. And now he was gone and for what a bit of spilled water that dried in a few minutes. Ragnar felt his eyes water and his knees buckle _'Oh god what have I done?'_ he thought as he knelt at the grave and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Please don't sue me I'm poor.

Ragnar changed that day, he became quiet and drank more. He lashed out at his so called friends and fell into his own depression. He could often be seen sitting at Athelstan's grave and talking to him "I am a changed man, nothing can console me now"

One day Ragnar was standing in front of the grave when a hand was placed on his shoulder he turned around to see a priest.

"Morning, young man" he said

"Morning father..." Ragnar pressed for his name

"Cuthbert. Did you know Athelstan?" he asked

"Sort of" it wasn't a lie

"What is your name?" father Cuthbert asked

"Ragnar"

"I do not recall Athelstan ever mentioning you" father Cuthbert said confused

"He never told you about me?" did Athelstan not tell anyone about what he had done?

"No, why? Is there something I should know?" father Cuthbert knew something was off and was determined to find out what

Ragnar started to tear up _'Why? Why? Would not tell anybody about what I did'_ Ragnar was confused, but maybe this was an opportunity to let go of his guilt, so he decided to confess.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned" he began

Now this caught father Cuthbert's full attention "Go on my son I will listen"

"It's all my fault" He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist "He killed himself because of me, because of what I did to him" the tears began to fall down his cheeks

Father Cuthbert knew there was something wrong with Athelstan but he would never talk about it and now finally he was getting the answers he need even if it was too late. "What did you do to him?" he said darkly

"I drove him insane. I bullied him so bad he killed himself and for what a simple accident" Ragnar sniffled

"I see, so you where the problem"

"What?"

"Athelstan was a nice boy, kind and cared about everyone around him. But then one day something changed and he became cold and uncaring. And from the sounds of your confession you were that something, am I correct?" his glare darkened further

"Yes. I bullied him to death and didn't even realise the damage I was doing, until it was too late. But I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Ragnar finally let the tears fall free

"Sorry will not bring him back nor will it ever undo the damage you have caused. People are always sorry when it is too late" Father Cuthbert finally understood what had happened to Athelstan and he was so disappointed with Ragnar and his actions that not even god would forgive him "You are a terrible person and because of you a good person now lies dead. You have your whole life a head of you, I hope you never forget what you have done and I hope it weighs heavily on your soul" and with that he walked away

Ragnar stood still and thought about the priests words...he was right. Ragnar did have a future and he had taken away someone else's. Ragnar feel to his knees and wondered what his future had in store for him.

The years rolled by and there were many important events that happened in Ragnar's life he finished high school, he went to college, he met Lagertha, he failed college, he got a job at a garage, he married Lagertha, he had a son and a daughter, Lagertha miscarried another son, his daughter died, he had an affair, he got another woman pregnant, Lagertha divorced him and took his son, he married again, he had four more sons, his fourth son had brittle bone disease, he had another affair, he got the other woman pregnant and gave him another son.

Ragnar's life had its ups and its downs but he never forgot Athelstan. He often wondered what would have happened had Athelstan lived. Would he have gone to college? Would he have gotten married? How many children would he have had? Could-could they have been friends? So many question would forever go unanswered. Ragnar never forgot even after 76 years he still went to visit Athelstan's grave and talk with him and eventually when death came for Ragnar he was an old man in a his bed and the final words he spoke were "I'm coming to say sorry face-to-face at last Athelstan"

THE END


End file.
